Law #19: Know Who You’re Dealing With—Do Not Offend the Wrong Person: A Writer's Guide

Story Marc
Feb 6
4 min read

The nineteenth law in The 48 Laws of Power, "Know who you’re dealing with—do not offend the wrong person," emphasizes the importance of understanding the motivations, sensitivities, and power dynamics of those around you. In the writing world, this law applies to how you interact with readers, peers, editors, agents, and others. Offending the wrong person—even unintentionally—can damage your career, reputation, or relationships.

Let’s explore how you can use this law to navigate the writing and publishing world with awareness and tact.

Understanding Your Audience

Knowing your readers and their expectations is crucial for building trust and loyalty.

1. Be Aware of Reader Sensitivities:

Different audiences have different thresholds for controversial or sensitive topics.
Example: Readers of young adult fiction often expect careful handling of complex themes like trauma or mental health.
Application: Research your target audience’s preferences and be mindful of how you address sensitive subjects in your writing.

2. Respond Thoughtfully to Feedback:

Negative reviews or criticism can sting, but how you respond (or don’t respond) can affect your reputation.
Example: When faced with criticism, authors like Neil Gaiman have advised focusing on your work rather than engaging in public disputes.
Application: Avoid arguing with reviewers or readers online. Instead, use feedback constructively to improve.

3. Avoid Alienating Your Core Fans:

Drastic changes in style, genre, or messaging without warning can risk losing your established audience.
Example: A thriller author suddenly pivoting to experimental poetry without context may confuse or alienate loyal readers.
Application: If you’re changing direction, communicate openly with your audience and frame it as an exciting evolution.

Navigating Industry Relationships

The publishing world is small, and word travels fast. Maintaining good relationships with agents, editors, and fellow authors is essential.

1. Respect Agents and Editors:

These professionals are gatekeepers who invest time and effort in your success. Treat them with respect and professionalism.
Example: Missing deadlines or disregarding feedback can strain relationships with your editor.
Application: Be reliable, open to feedback, and appreciative of their efforts.

2. Understand Power Dynamics:

Some industry figures wield significant influence. Offending them could close doors.
Example: Publicly criticizing a publisher or agent can harm your reputation and future opportunities.
Application: Even if you face rejection or criticism, remain professional and avoid burning bridges.

3. Be Mindful of Peer Relationships:

The writing community can be a great source of support, but it’s also interconnected.
Example: Authors who publicly feud with peers risk alienating others in the industry.
Application: Foster positive relationships by celebrating others’ successes and avoiding unnecessary conflict.

Working with Collaborators

Collaboration requires tact and understanding, whether with co-authors, designers, or marketers.

1. Know Your Collaborators’ Strengths and Preferences:

Understanding their working style ensures smoother collaborations.
Example: A cover designer might excel with creative freedom but struggle under micromanagement.
Application: Communicate clearly and set mutual expectations at the start of a project.

2. Avoid Assigning Blame:

Mistakes happen in any collaboration. How you handle them matters.
Example: Instead of blaming a co-author for a missed deadline, work together to find a solution.
Application: Take a problem-solving approach and maintain a spirit of teamwork.

3. Express Gratitude:

Showing appreciation for your collaborators builds goodwill and trust.
Example: Thanking your editor in your acknowledgments or publicly recognizing their contributions strengthens your relationship.
Application: Make gratitude a regular part of your professional interactions.

Managing Your Public Persona

Your public image is a powerful tool, but it requires careful management to avoid missteps.

1. Think Before You Post:

Social media is a double-edged sword. One poorly thought-out tweet can damage your reputation.
Example: Authors who engage in heated arguments or post controversial opinions risk backlash from readers and peers.
Application: Before posting, consider how it aligns with your brand and how it might be received.

2. Be Authentic but Professional:

Authenticity builds trust, but oversharing or being overly informal can blur boundaries.
Example: Sharing your writing process or book milestones is engaging; venting about personal grievances publicly is not.
Application: Strike a balance between being relatable and maintaining professionalism.

3. Address Missteps Gracefully:

If you make a mistake, own up to it and apologize sincerely.
Example: An author who acknowledges an oversight, such as misrepresentation in a book, can regain respect through accountability.
Application: Approach public missteps with humility and a willingness to learn.

Avoiding Pitfalls

Understanding who you’re dealing with and acting accordingly can prevent unnecessary conflicts. Here’s what to avoid:

Assuming Everyone Thinks Like You:
- People have different values, priorities, and sensitivities.
- Solution: Take time to understand others’ perspectives before acting.
Burning Bridges:
- Even if a relationship ends, leaving it on bad terms can have long-term consequences.
- Solution: Exit professional relationships gracefully and with gratitude.
Ignoring Power Dynamics:
- Misjudging someone’s influence can lead to unintended fallout.
- Solution: Treat everyone with respect, regardless of their perceived status.

Conclusion: The Power of Awareness

Law #19, "Know who you’re dealing with—do not offend the wrong person," is a reminder to approach relationships with awareness and tact. In the writing world, understanding your audience, peers, and industry professionals helps you confidently navigate challenges and opportunities. You can build a career grounded in respect and collaboration by fostering goodwill and avoiding unnecessary conflicts.

In the next installment of this series, we’ll explore Law #20, "Do not commit to anyone," and how staying flexible can benefit your writing career. Stay tuned for more insights into The 48 Laws of Power for writers.